It’s been almost a full year since we moved from Gallup.
I spent the first few months feeling incredibly guilty about leaving. And then I spent a few months convinced that I had failed God, Gallup, and myself.
I’ve always viewed life with a pass or fail mentality. And for me, failing was anything less than an A-. So, closing the church definitely put me in the absolute failure category.
Since we left Gallup, I have visited a lot of churches. In the beginning, when I went into a new church, I’d think we did that or wonder why never tried doing it that way. Maybe if I had been more like this pastor then I would still be a pastor instead of a visitor. Honestly, one time I went to a church and thought that the whole reason we didn’t reach the level of success that I believed for was because I couldn’t sing. You see, the pastor’s wife at that church is an amazing singer and leads praise and worship. Maybe if I could have at least played the piano things would have been different???????
But in the last few weeks something has changed because I’ve started seeing things differently.
God has been speaking to me that he saved me to be his daughter not his servant. Think about it for a moment…If God only wanted servants then why would he create mankind? He already has devoted and obedient servants that he calls angels. These angels did not require the sacrifice of the cross to put them in a position of service. They were, are, and always will be doing exactly what they were created to do —- serve!
Angels are never called children of God.
Up until recently I believed a lie. I believed that God loved me because I was doing his will. I believed that God had created me for a purpose and if I failed to fulfill that purpose then I was failing not only myself but I was failing God. And if I was failing God, then what use did he have for me? I was living life as an indentured slave because I had totally forgotten that serving God is in it’s simplest form an act of love.
Jesus said, “Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:35-36
These are the truths that God has been speaking to set me free…..
- God knit me together in my mother’s womb because he wanted a daughter.
- God rescued me from physical death time and time again because he loves me as his daughter.
- God doesn’t need me to do anything but live as his daughter.
- God allows me to participate in his will because he enjoys spending time with his daughter.
- God’s purpose for my life is for me to live as his daughter.
- God wants me to enjoy all of the benefits that come from being his daughter.
Since coming to understand and accept these truths, I am able to change my perception of the past and my expectation for the future. No longer do I feel like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I no longer accept responsibility that was never meant to be mine. I choose to see serving God as the privilege of participating in the wonder of who He is as my father and as just another opportunity to spend time with Him.
Living life as a daughter makes the promise that Job received be true for me too…..
“The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.“*
*“Adonai blessed Iyov’s later situation even more than his earlier one.” Complete Jewish Bible.