I started reading through the Bible on January 1st and have only made it through the middle of 1 Samuel. I’m glad that I’m more interested in learning than in meeting the goal of completing the Bible by December 31st or else I’d be very disappointed in myself!
As I was reading today, I came across this passage of scripture:
1 Samuel 17:38 Sha’ul dressed David in his own armor — he put a bronze helmet on his head and gave him armor plate to wear. 39 David buckled his sword on his armor and tried to walk, but he wasn’t used to such equipment. David said to Sha’ul, “I can’t move wearing these things, because I’m not used to them.” So David took them off. (Complete Jewish Version)
You may be wondering why this passage struck such a chord in my spirit. I think it’s because I respect David for refusing to allow Saul to dress him in an armor that didn’t fit.
Beyond that, this passage of scripture speaks directly to me as a woman of faith. For years I let other people dress me in their armor and, like David, it didn’t fit well at all. I tried to live up to the expectations of others. I allowed other people to tell me who I was supposed to be, how I was supposed to feel, and what I was supposed to do in many other areas of my life. I wasn’t comfortable living in my own skin so I let others decide whether or not I was acceptable, lovable, or valuable.
I even gave people control in simple things like choosing what style of clothing I wore and what color hair I had.
And when I came to ministry, I did everything I could think of doing so that I wouldn’t disappoint anyone —– especially God!
Meeting my biological father, letting go of past disappointments, and entering my 50’s seemed to set me free from most of that. Spiritual, physical, and emotional maturity have brought to being comfortable in the clothes I choose, letting my gray hair shimmer in the sunlight, and feeling more and more comfortable in my own skin.
Now there are some things that I’m still working through. As you know weight is a huge issue for me and I am always trying to either lose more weight or accept myself as I am. I am still influenced by the media and I still find myself comparing myself to others when it comes to my body…..
But I think it’s time for me to throw off the rest of the armor that others have placed on me, break free, and truly take my place in the sun. Will you join me?