As I was beginning my final blog during this long trip away from Gallup, I saw this paragraph from one of the bloggers I follow:
Somewhere during that time, I met with my spiritual director and confessed to her the depth of my exhaustion. But my confession was a confession of failure. I was failing to be the mom I wanted to be. I was failing to be the woman of prayer I wanted to be. I was failing to be the wife I wanted to be. I was a disappointment to myself. Therefore, I must be a disappointment to God. The Pursuit of Enough: Ask me what I have for you…
And I can so totally relate to that feeling of disappointment…….
- I’ve left my daughter and granddaughter behind in Ohio. Disappointment.
- I’ve been injured and unable to exercise. Disappointment.
- I’m leaving my happiest place where the temps are in the 80’s, the water is clear, and I have no responsibilities. Disappointment.
- My prayer life is not what it should be. And worship seems as far away from me as the man in the moon. Disappointment.
- I’ve gained weight during the last two weeks while injured. Disappointment.
- I’ve lost my focus. Disappointment.
I am disappointed with myself and the way things are. But God is not disappointed in me. He knows where I am. He knows what He’s called me to. He’s written out my days as if they were written in a book. A good book always has conflict and resolution. A good book reveals the disappointments it’s character feels so that we can be connected to the character. A good book draws us into the story. We hope for resolution. We continue reading past the conflict with the hope that the character will eventually have the happily ever after ending. We don’t stop reading during the times of difficulty and hardship but continue to the last page believing in the happily ever after.
And I’m a good book. The writer is writing a story that will draw the reader into my story and it will end with “happily ever after.” This I believe as much as I believe that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.
Keep turning the pages……